A stay-at-home mom resents her brother-in-law’s girlfriend for having a career instead of children and marriage.
She was called out for her transparent internalized misogyny by her own family and on Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum. Her brother-in-law’s girlfriend Faye recently got a master’s degree and a new job. This bothered the Reddit poster because Faye wasn’t making the same life choices that she was.
“My (34f) BIL’s gf Faye (32f) recently got a new job. She got her masters in 2020 and never stops talking about it,” the Reddit poster said. “My husband (36) Jack has noticed the same thing and he has said his brother Luke (32) talks about it, too. It gets on our nerves but we tolerate it because we know how excited Faye is about her degree and now this new job, which she also won’t stop talking about because, as she says, she wouldn’t have gotten it if she didn’t pursue her masters since it’s a requirement.
“We had them over for dinner last night with my parents and my FIL/MIL. Once again, Faye brings up her new job. It doesn’t start for another couple of weeks (she works in education, so her contracts are based on the school calendar), and she was talking about all the things she gets to do now that she really wanted to do. She mentioned it being a life goal.
“I asked her what was next. She asked what I meant. I asked her about things like kids or marriage since they’ve been together for 3 years now. She said she didn’t want to rush into marriage or kids until she had her goals in order but marriage was something she and Luke had been seriously discussing.
“I asked when she’d have time for kids/marriage with her career goals. She said she’d make time. I said kids are a lot of work (I’m a SAHM). I told her that when I was pregnant, it wasn’t feasible financially or logically to continue working as an STNA, so I quit at 26. Faye said that she doesn’t want kids she can’t provide for and she likes relying on herself because so many SAHMs are financially trapped when they stop working and can’t leave if the marriage falls apart for whatever reason. I’ll be honest. I was offended by that. I told her not all of us are ‘trapped.’ She agreed but said you never know and should depend on yourself, even in marriage. Luke was nodding and agreeing. I said, ‘It would also give you more to talk about other than your job.’
“Faye asked if I had a problem with her talking about her job. I said no, but honestly, it’s the only thing she seems to have that’s mildly interesting. Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, hobbies, but all you talk about is your degree, education, and this new job of yours. And I told her it was kinda boring. Faye said, ‘Then I won’t bore you any further,’ and asked my in-laws how installing wood floors was going. We all moved on past the conversation until later that night. After Luke and Faye left, my MIL told me I was rude.
“I told her I was telling the truth because we ARE all tired of hearing about it. Jack agreed. But MIL said while that was true, it’s still an accomplishment no one (looked me up and down) in this family has done yet and I seemed jealous. I said I wasn’t jealous but offended by some things she said. MIL told me I was only offended because Faye was right. Jack said she was right but it was obvious she was directing those comments at me in a judgmental way, and my parents agree with me.”
Redditors sided with Faye on this one.
“Plus the comment on SAHP being trapped and dependent is 100% true. There’s nothing offensive about that,” a user said.
“You spent a conversation pursuing her on why her plans (note, HER plans) weren’t good enough,” another wrote.
“It is none of your business asking someone about their plans of having children,” a person commented.
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