Midsize model gets candid about her body insecurities and the ways she puts herself down: ‘It hits an unhealed nerve’

Juliana Davis (@juliana_davis), a self-described “curve model” currently living in Paris, recently shared a video in which she gets vulnerable about her dating insecurities, specifically with regards to her body image.

“Every single time I get rejected by a man, my first thought is, ‘It’s because of my body’ and I hate that for myself,” Juliana explains. “I skip past all the possibilities of like, ‘Oh, he doesn’t want a relationship,’ ‘Oh, he might be in love with his ex,’ ‘Oh, like, I don’t know, he met someone else.’ For me, it’s just like, ‘Oh, he thinks I’m cool but it’s just my body that he can’t get over.'”

“…’I seriously doubt they’ll like me,’ so I don’t even try because I’m not skinny.”

Juliana also reveals the way she puts herself down from the get-go.

“And even worse than that, when I see a hot guy or a hot person, I’m just almost immediately like, ‘I seriously doubt that they’ll like me,’ so I’m not even gonna try because I’m not skinny,” she admits.

Juliana’s point is further corroborated by the fact that “girls were found to place more emphasis on aesthetic values and less emphasis on functional values of their bodies compared to boys, and reported more dissatisfaction with both values than did boys,” which was reported by Bree D. Abbott and Bonnie L. Barber in 2010. To that end, men, it appears, are less self-conscious about their bodies than their female counterparts.

While she doesn’t exactly have a “thesis” for this video, Julia hopes even briefly discussing the negative ways she talks to herself will help her understand that she’s worthy of love, regardless of the way she, or others, perceive her body.

“I’ve realized that dating and men, in particular, really grate on me. And it, like, hits an unhealed nerve,” she says. “Any of my curvy, midsize, plus size queens and kings and everyone, please pull up and let me know if you’ve ever had this experience…because I seriously need to do some inner work, because the men aren’t doing the work.”

“Its the same for me… I am always the chubby friend.. And basically that the real reason.. :/ i can’t get over it”

Juliana’s video, which has more than 912,300 views and 157,800 likes, has reached an empathetic audience. Commenters are getting candid about their own struggles with being the friend that doesn’t perfectly fit into society’s definition of “conventionally attractive.”

“Same, I lost weight now, but that insecurity is still very present. I never trust them to like me, I think it’s a joke between them and their friends,” one user wrote.

“ALWAYS. and when i see another girl nearby i think of all the reasons why she would be better for him than me,” another admitted. “BUT WE’RE WORKIN ON IT!”

“Its the same for me… I am always the chubby friend.. And basically that the real reason.. :/ i can’t get over it,” someone shared.

Other mid and plus size women with online platforms have shared their own experiences navigating dating culture.

“I was apprehensive to adopt the online dating stage because due to my body shape, sometimes I photograph smaller than I am. My body shape is narrow and deep meaning most of my weight centralised in my stomach,” Maria Bamgbele wrote for Millennial Femme. “As a result, before each first date I would be full of dread in case the individual would be so disappointed when they saw me that they would leave upon arrival.”

Maria urges women not to settle for less than they want, or deserve — just because society may think they need to.

“Feeling like you are underserving of someone who conforms to conventional perceptions of beauty is a rhetoric enrooted in diet culture,” she continues. “As long as the person you are dating is with you out of genuine attraction and not a result of fetishization, do not block your blessings because you feel like society will mock your relationship. When it comes to the actual date I would recommend reciting positive affirmations before departing for the date and some therapeutic breathing to calm any anxieties. Be confident, be open and most importantly be yourself.”

Beth Gillette shares a similar point of view.

“I wanted to believe that being plus-size wasn’t affecting how men were seeing me. Yeah, there are some jerks out there who fetishize larger bodies or who want to try their personal trainer certification on me, but overall, men couldn’t be that affected by my body weighing more than average, right?” Bethany wrote for The Every Girl. “After doing a deep-dive on my dating history, I think I’ve concluded that the answer here is no and that actually, being plus-size has played a major role in my love life, even after I started loving myself for who I was.”

“Plus-size women are made to feel like they’re lucky to have someone be interested in them, so we overlook potential red flags out of fear of rejection. Well, newsflash: I am really f*cking over that,” she adds.

While it often feels as though those who are conventionally attractive possess higher social capital than those who are not, Juliana’s vulnerability points to the fact that this feeling of being less than, while pervasive, is merely that: a feeling. Truthfully, letting society dictate your worthiness and sacrificing your own happiness as a result, would be remiss.

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