Mom has positive go-to phrases for her ‘spicy’ kids when they talk to her ‘like they pay bills’

This TikTok mom went viral for her positive parenting techniques, and all parents should be taking notes!

TikTok parent Destini Ann (@destiny.ann) shared one of her favorite positive parenting phrases to use when talking with her daughter. The clip went viral, hitting over 7 million views, and parents and non-parents alike shared some love in the comment section. 


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♬ original sound – Destini Ann

According to, positive parenting is a parenting style that “teaches discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit.” 

Destini uses her platform to educate her 600,000 followers on some of her favorite positive parenting tips and phrases. In this clip, she talks about one phrase in particular that helps parents communicate with their kids, especially when the kids are feeling frustrated. 

The magical phrase? “Your message is getting lost in your mess.” 

Destiny claims she uses this when her daughter is at “max level spicy.” “[When] she is a ghost pepper wing dipped in wasabi,” elaborates the inspirational mom

She then provides an example, sharing a potential dialogue between her and her daughter. 

Daughter: “You’re the worst mom ever, you don’t even play with me.” 

Mom: “Aw, Ken I am gonna play with you at 11:30 when I finish working. I hear your message, you just really want to play. But don’t let that awesome message get lost in your mess OK? Remember the tone and the words you use really affect how people respond to you, and who wants to play when they’re getting yelled at?” 

‘I think I might try this with adults too…’

TikTokers were blown away by the insightful response, and many posted comments that showed their gratitude for the valuable advice. 

“Ok ok ok I’m obsessed with you. This is the 4th video I’ve seen of yours and I love your messages and your methods,” wrote one thankful TikToker. 

“I love this [because] you’re not giving in or babying them. You’re speaking at their level and teaching them,” wrote another admirer.  

Some users wondered if these methods go beyond just dealing with kids. 

“I think I might try this with adults too,” wrote one user. 

“Positive parenting? That’s great and all, but I need this lesson in my marriage!” wrote another TikToker. To which Destini responded, “Let me know if it works!” 

One commenter was so inspired that she offered herself up for adoption. 

“I’m 31 but I’m just sayin… I’m up for adoption,” said the user, who was probably making a joke. 

It’s not always easy for parents to stay composed and patient, but conversation tips like this are an important step in building positive environments for you and your kids!

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