Etiquette influencer Pattie Ehsaei is TikTok’s ‘Duchess of Decorum’

Pattie Ehsaei, known on TikTok as @duchessofdecorum, teaches table manners, workplace etiquette and financial literacy to her 850,000 followers.

She’s a lawyer by trade who now holds a senior vice president title at a major national bank. Her “tough but fair” advice empowers members of Gen Z to achieve success through hard work and education.

Over the years, she has become an expert in “decorum,” or behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety, which she said most people haven’t actually mastered.

Ehsaei spoke to In The Know about what she hopes to accomplish with her platform.

How have you learned so much about social decorum? 

I am self-taught. I come from an underserved background and wasn’t taught proper etiquette. Thus, I made many decorum mistakes and embarrassed myself often. I realized that if I wanted to climb the social and professional ladder, I had to learn proper decorum. So, I read books, watched experts and practiced over and over again until it became second nature.

Why should people care about manners and etiquette? 

Manners and etiquette are all about creating social order and not offending others. There is a reason behind every etiquette rule. Following proper etiquette shows that you not only respect yourself but others as well by conducting yourself in a way that does not create discord in social settings. 

What would you say to the young people worried they’re going to offend someone in a social setting because they’re unfamiliar with these rules or have spent so much time indoors recently?

Young people should not feel intimidated because there are so many resources for learning etiquette. Truth be told, most people do not know etiquette rules, so they can master them privately and not worry about being judged while slowly moving into social settings again. 

What’s the most important advice you give people going into a formal setting for the first time? 

Learn proper etiquette before you go; utilize resources like my TikTok channel, YouTube, books or any other medium that teaches etiquette. I also suggest they practice prior to attending the function.

@duchessofdecorum

On today’s episode of #Etiquette Wednesday, how to properly eat bread and butter! #tableetiquette #manners #tablemanners #tabletok

♬ Roxanne – Instrumental – Califa Azul

What’s the most common mistake you see young people making? 

Starting to eat their meal prior to the entire table being served.

What kind of feedback have you gotten from your TikTok audience? 

The feedback is mostly around how my content provides them with actionable life skills which create immediate, positive results in their lives.

Your clothes are amazing! Where do you shop? 

Thank you! I shop anywhere from Zara and H&M to high-end clothing boutiques like Gucci or Dolce & Gabbana. I do this purposefully so young people understand that you can buy amazing, chic clothing at very affordable prices.

Anything else we need to know about you or that you’d like to share? Fire away! 

The only reason I created my channel was to teach people things they didn’t know to help them get a step up in life. My content is comprised of everything I wish I knew as a young person coming into the “real world.”  I want every video to give people a nugget of knowledge they didn’t have, leaving them in a better place than before they watched the video.

Editor’s Note: Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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