Woman raises concerns over her boyfriend’s ‘extremely close’ female friend: ‘I’m at a crossroads’

A woman thinks her boyfriend is too close to one of his female friends. 

She asked Reddit’s “Relationship Advice” forum to weigh in. Her boyfriend has had a long-term female friend for a while now. She doesn’t like how intimate their relationship is, but he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal

“I’ll start off by saying, I know I have jealousy issues so pointing that out will not be helpful,” she wrote. “I am working on those issues so bare with me. I (f25) always feel uncomfortable when my bf (m26) of three years talks to his only close female friend. He met her by being the girlfriend of one of his close male friends. They broke up a two ago[sic] and my bf and her are friends still and are actually closer than him and his male friend are now.”

“To my knowledge nothing has happened in the past. She always comes to him with her new relationship issues and I know they talk on the phone for hours on end. Their conversations were very intimate varying from personal insecurities/life problems to getting drunk together on the phone and having a private party on the phone. I brought up how it made me feel before but it always ended in an argument.”

No matter how often she discussed her issues, her boyfriend didn’t seem to change his behavior much. 

“I stopped telling him how I felt because I didn’t want to be //that// girlfriend that makes their boyfriend cut off female friends,” she explained. “My jealousy was still obvious and he ended up cutting back on the phone calls and texts to come up with a compromise(?) That happened during our second year of dating. Going into our third year, I realized he only started talking on the phone with her while I wasn’t with him (I travel for work).” 

“He knows I know this and he continues to do it. I have told him I still feel uneasy about his closeness with her. Now I hear him getting close with her mom and going to their house to make dinner for them. At this point I’m at a crossroads because on one hand I feel that they’re too close and he does not have this close relationship with any of his male friends. The other hand wants me to start ignoring the issue completely and hope my mind just starts to forget it’s even happening.”

She added in the comments, “He has plenty of friends that are women. She is the only one who is extremely close. Never has he cooked for any one [sic] (male or female!) except for my family. Definitely something I need to address.” 

Redditors shared their thoughts on the issue. 

“It would be natural to feel insecure about this kind of relationship when you’re on the outside of it and feeling somewhat jealous is perfectly justifiable,” someone wrote

“Instead of changing his behavior or even toning it down, he decided to try to hide it,” another commented

“He’s having an emotional affair,” a person said

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