A 20-something mom is feeling overwhelmed and offended by her mother’s “helpful” advice, and Reddit parents have strong opinions on the matter.
Now, much like the mom who was shocked when her mother-in-law posted about her rainbow baby on Facebook, this mom is wondering how to set up healthy boundaries without causing drama.
Posted to the subreddit r/BeyondTheBump and entitled, “How to handle grandma who wants to be mom,” the user shared her story:
“I’m in my mid twenties, live with my boyfriend of ten years, and our baby is 2.5 weeks old. My mom just texted me this:
“’It’s only going to be 54 degrees at 8am Monday morning. Dress [baby’s name] accordingly. Socks would be good. She has some cute onesies too from the showers. They will be too small soon! Lol!’
“I’ve had it. I can’t even begin to explain how offended I am by this. Am I reading too much into it? Like, obviously I’m not going to let my baby go cold.
“She shoots me a barrage of questions every day about the baby within ten minutes even if I don’t reply at all, calls herself mom, ignores my rules (kisses baby, etc.).
“What do I say to that text? How can I set boundaries without setting off a chain explosion of family drama? Is an information diet and no more visit policy the only solution here?
“I know she’s excited and I want her to be able to enjoy being a grandma but this is quickly becoming hellish.”
‘Respect my boundaries and let me be Mom…’
Reddit parents were quick to share their thoughts on the situation.
“I would tell her, ‘Mom, I love that you’re available for advice when needed. I love that you love baby. But respect my boundaries and let me be Mom. You are not baby’s mom, and I need you to let me ask for advice and help instead of jumping in like I don’t know how to care for her,'” one user suggested.
“I’ve had to ask my mom to reign it in because she calls up to 7 times a day, back to back. I’ve also had to confront the mother-in-law when she was overstepping, trying to do too much, and it felt like she was taking away those precious moments a new mother has with their child. The best result is honesty but with a little love,” wrote another.
“I would tell her she’s had her chance to raise you but now it is your turn. To be the best mom you can be you need to be able to be in charge, and that you hope she’ll support you on that and take a step back so you have to space to make mistakes and learn,” another parent suggested.
“I usually try and solve situations like this with humor. ‘Dress baby in birthday suit and give a cigarette, got it.’ Take pictures of them sockless with a martini glass and sunglasses. Either they’ll realize that they need to dial it back, or take it badly and that gives you an opportunity to have a serious conversation,” wrote another parent.
The original poster followed up later to write, “Thank you everyone for the advice. This is such new territory and you’ve been really helpful!”
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